just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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