Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
