Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize