So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
