I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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