Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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