I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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