i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
