Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
