i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I want is dick and wine.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
