We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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