Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
