Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
