Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
