nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just invented taco cereal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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