yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
