I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is Oprah even human
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
