do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
