After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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