I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
