Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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