Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
