Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
