Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
