They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
