we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
