we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize