He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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