brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
