wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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