A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize