After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
