Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
