But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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