the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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