he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
