mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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