Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
