i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
