never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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