come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
