my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
