The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
