His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
