Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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