i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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