I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
