farters have to be the big spoon...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
