did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
