so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
