my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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