The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize