that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dick very happy bro
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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