super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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