he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
