so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
