It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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