ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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