I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
