I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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