my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
