I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
