so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
where are my eyebrows?
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