I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize