Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
