dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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