Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
as a side note pls kill me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
