I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize