i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
