remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
