Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm really busy with my period
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