Screwed.edu
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
