3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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