So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize