Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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