I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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