i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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