do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
