i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
