I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
