I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
