My first STD was from a foam party
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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