Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Mom said you looked used
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize