So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
