I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
