I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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