That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize