She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
BRING THE BAGELS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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