ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I only lived at night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
