Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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