Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
