She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
