How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry about my life...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
