I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize