Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
