Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
