My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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