This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize